Bullying in the Digital Age
I thought that with this being my first blog I wanted to share about something that I not only have experienced myself, but also worked on with clients and their families. Bullying is a horrible experience for children but also family members who see how devastating it can be and feel helpless to protect their child. Throughout elementary and high school, I was teased about many things such as my looks, reading a lot, not being good at sports, and who I was friends with. I remember being told “it’s just kids being kids'' or “if they see it bugs you, they will keep it up.” For a kid to hear this, and feel like it won’t change and this is horrible.
Types of Bullying
There are three main types of bullying, Direct, Indirect, and Cyber. Social or Relational Bullying is increasing with our digital age, and will soon be a fourth main type. Although bullying has been around for ages, it has gotten more sophisticated and cruel since the age of Facebook, Snapchat, and the Internet.
Direct Bullying takes place when the target individual is physically or verbally attacked by the bully. This is how most parents think about bullying, such as being punched, tripped or name calling.
Indirect Bullying takes place when the bully spreads rumors or false information about the target individual. Some parents might have also experienced this type also, examples could be spreading rumors about the target or telling private information such as crushes or embarrassing accidents.
Cyber bullying has been in many news articles as of late. This is where a target is being bullied not only on school grounds or classroom chat rooms, but also when they go home. This is a big reason why it is so hard to hold individuals accountable because, where does the school authority end and the law enforcement begin? Cyber bullying can be spreading rumors, telling private information, telling others not to be friends with the target, or sending inappropriate pictures or memes about the target to thousands of people. And as we tell our children, once it is on the internet, it is not able to come off so easily. This is also where the fourth up-and coming type has emerged, Social or Relational Bullying.
Social or Relational bullying can be spreading rumors or by using social media as a control mechanism for dating violence. What is more scary for parents is that these bullies put private information, such as School, address, and possibly pictures on the internet for not only the school and world to see, but also sexual predators.
Causes
Bullying can be about anything and unfortunately students that are just a little different are targets. Most bullies are one person who themselves have witnessed bullying at home or their community. They have learned that bullying makes you powerful and holds this power over others who are afraid of them. These other students will follow along because they are not the ones that are the target.
Effects
Bullying not only affects the target, but other peers, family members, and younger siblings of the targets. As you would expect, targeted individuals have increased anxiety about their looks, or insecurities that has made them a target, but also depression of constantly being battered with peers’ negative comments. These comments then become negative self talk, and with that goes their self esteem. With a decrease in self esteem, this is when suicidal ideation and self injury become a concern.
This is usually when parents start to notice changes in their children. Even if parents have a great open communication relationship with their children, many children want to hide this from parents. And even if they are able to mention things to their parents, how are the parents supposed to protect their children from this invisible thing, again where does the responsibility fall and what if the Bully's parents are unresponsive to the gravity of the situation? Do you go further with legal action? These questions are hard to give a solid answer about. Laws have changed a lot about violence dealing with minors, and this is a positive step for Students, Schools, and States to understand that this is becoming a larger problem.
Bullying Policies
Many schools have a “No Bullying” Policy, below is an excerpt of my local High School’s bullying policy from the Student Handbook. As a Social Worker who deals with the effects of bullying with students, parents, and adults that experienced it years ago, I feel that this is a great policy, I also feel that the consequences for these actions are also fair.
“All students at Worthington High School are entitled to a safe school environment. Therefore, all types of bullying, including cyber bullying, are unacceptable. Cyber bullying is sending or posting harmful or cruel text and/or images using the internet or other digital communication devices. This generally occurs through the use of computers, cellular telephones and/or internet and social media sites. Cyber bullying often occurs outside normal school hours, however, it is detrimental to school climate and can adversely affect student learning. Anyone who engages in Cyber Bullying is considered to be in violation of this policy and shall be subject to appropriate disciplinary actions. This could include, but is not limited to, the loss of Internet/computer privileges.”
Consequences:
Many school have the consequence that the first time the individual who is bullying will get an In School Suspension (ISS) or an Out of School Suspension (OSS). Many schools are also looking at another consequence of losing internet or computer privileges if the individual is caught participating in Cyber bullying. After the first time, depending on the severity could be expelled or might have legal consequences. If you have questions about your school’s policy, please contact them with any questions.
Common Questions:
I was bullied growing up, how do I recognize it in my child?
This is a great question, as you know how alone you felt when you were bullied, keep an eye out for changes in your child’s mood, activities, and friend circle. If you notice them isolating, not being as excited about activities, not talking about specific friends or not having social dates as usual.
I see these changes, but my child does not want to talk to me. What should I do?
I completely understand the feeling of feeling lost and unable to protect your child. Start by reaching out to the school, many schools have a staff member that either is a Guidance Counselor or the School contracts with someone that does school based services. This agency might be your local Community Mental Health Agency, or an Agency that specializes in Children in the School age group.
What should I say to my child if I think they are being bullied?
First and foremost do NOT blame your child for being bullied. They did not ask to have this happen and more than likely, they did not tell you because they were embarrassed that this happened. Work with your child to not retaliate or answer the bullies and keep all materials such as screenshots, emails, or messages to give to the authorities. If you feel that your child is physically in danger, call Law Enforcement right away with your concerns.
Are there other resources that could help us understand this?
You bet, here are three great websites that deal with bullying specifically.
- http://www.bullybust.org/resources/key_resources
I hope that this overview of bullying in our present time has been informational. The more parents, teens, and children who fight against bullies appropriately, the less we will have of this horrible experience for future generations.
References:
518 High School Student Handbook 22-23. (2022). 518 Worthington School District. Retrieved September 6, 2022, from https://www.isd518.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/WHS-Student-Handbook-2022-2023.pdf Klein, J. (2013, August 1).
The Bully Society: School Shootings and the Crisis of Bullying in America’s Schools (Intersections, 6) (Reprint). NYU Press.
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